Fw: Buffy "In the style of"

date posted 28th October 2001 22:01

> > S1 Ep 1 Buffy in the style of Greek Tragedy...
> >
> > Giles: Hail O suitably equipped with stakes Buffy, lately come with her
> > mother to many demon inhabited Sunnydale, beloved of vampires.
> > Chorus: Buffy is come from a school yet to be mentioned, alas burned
down
> in
> > the sonorous clash of powers.
> > Buffy: Expelled from my last school was I for the burning of it; but woe
> > unto us, for the arraigned in dignity judges knew not the truth.
> > Giles: What knowest thou of vampires, O Buffy, thou being a maiden who
has
> > not yet beheld sixteen times the passing of the seasons?
> > Buffy: Woe, for I am judged again, this time as a total bimbo.
> > Cordelia: Uh, hi... you are?
> > Chorus: Thus is come Cordelia, she of the flowing dark as a raven's wing
> > hair who sits enthroned above the beauteous young of many demon
inhabited
> > Sunnydale and who would vaingloriously reign even as Zeus of the
> > thunderbolts reigns over the Gods of exalted Olympus.. .etc.
> >
> > Or suppose Quentin Tarantino had written Buffy:
> >
> > The Master: So, this is it, huh?
> > Buffy: Yeah, this is it, what were you expecting?
> > The Master: What was I expecting? Huh? Like, you are it? You are the
> f***ing
> > vampire slayer? Is this it?
> > Buffy: You got a problem with your f***ing ears? Huh? I said that
already!
> > The Master: So, vampire slayer, I'm a f***ing vampire! Whatcha gonna do,
> > then? You gonna f***ing slay me? You f***ing gonna slay me, bitch?
> > Buffy: F***ing damnright I'm gonna f***ing slay you, you f***!
> > The Master: So here I am, bitch, so f***ing slay me! Come on! F***ING
SLAY
> > ME!
> >
> > Or, by contrast, they might have got Jane Austen - she's in vogue now:
> >
> > Let me assure you, dear reader, that there was no difficulty, not even
> what
> > might be to the mind of most particular, the merest of trifles to delay
my
> > despatch, and that of my dear mother, to our new abode in the town of
> > Sunnydale. Having approached by a road descending in a leisurely manner
> into
> > the valley, which commanded so charming a view of the entire district,
> there
> > was nothing in this novel prospect which might perturb in any way the
> reason
> > of a woman so young as myself at that time, who nevertheless was
arriving
> > completely aware of all the unpleasantness which lay ahead of her...
> >
> > Or it could have been done by one of those French intellectual
> > existentialist writers, like Albert Camus...
> >
> > Last week, I arrived in Sunnydale. Or perhaps it was the week before, I
> > don't know. There was a vampire in the graveyard. It had a bumpy face
and
> > fangs, so I killed it. I put a stake through its heart and it turned to
> > dust. Angel was there. He was wearing a long black coat and his hair was
> > sticking up a little. At first I wasn't sure whether I should kill him
as
> > well, but I didn't. I wondered what it would be like if I was a vampire,
> and
> > had to hide away during the day, underground, only coming out at night
to
> > drink people's blood. But in the end, I am not a vampire. I went home
and
> > went to sleep. I cannot remember if I dreamed about anything.
> >
>
>
>