RE: FN-FORUM: [OT] Old posting re: Agony Aunt

date posted 20th January 2005 20:27

Don=92t know who wrote this; Obvious why it's not signed. Must have been
around the block a few times though, or is too old to enjoy it anymore.
Either way when you're wife or girlfriend identifies you, you'll be
wishing you where still going around the block...=20

BTW It's absolutely true, all of it

g)
-----Original Message-----
From: [EMAIL REMOVED] [EMAIL REMOVED] On Behalf Of Luke
Perman
Sent: 20 January 2005 19:18
To: FN-FORUM / [EMAIL REMOVED]
Subject: Re: FN-FORUM: [OT] Old posting re: Agony Aunt


LOL!!



On 20 Jan 2005, at 17:11, Em wrote:

>
>> http://kungfurecords.com/mp3/newyou.mp3
>>
>> http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/thevandals/thenewyou.html
>
> and...
>
> WOMEN'S ENGLISH
>
> 1. Yes =3D No
>
> 2. No =3D Yes
>
> 3. Maybe =3D No
>
> 4. We need =3D I want...
>
> 5. I am sorry =3D You'll be sorry
>
> 6. We need to talk =3D I need to complain
>
> 7. Sure, go ahead =3D I don't want you to
>
> 8. Do what you want =3D You'll pay for this later
>
> 9. I am not upset =3D Of course I am upset, you moron
>
> 10. Are you listening to me?? =3D Too late, you're dead
>
> 11. You have to learn to communicate =3D Just agree with me
>
> 12. Be romantic, turn out the lights =3D I have flabby thighs
>
> 13. Do you love me? =3D I am going to ask for something expensive
>
> 14. It's your decision =3D The correct decision should be obvious by =
now
>
> 15. You're certainly attentive tonight =3D Is sex all you ever think=20
> about?
>
> 16. I'll be ready in a minute =3D Kick off your shoes and find a good=20
> game on
> TV
>
>
> MEN'S ENGLISH
>
> 1. I am hungry =3D I am hungry
>
> 2. I am sleepy =3D I am sleepy
>
> 3. I am tired =3D I am tired
>
> 4. Nice dress =3D Nice cleavage!
>
> 5. I love you =3D Let's have sex now
>
> 6. I am bored =3D Do you want to have sex?
>
> 7. What's wrong? =3D I guess sex is out of the question
>
> 8. May I have this dance? =3D I'd like to have sex with you
>
> 9. Can I call you sometime? =3D I'd like to have sex with you
>
> 10. Do you want to go to a movie? =3D I'd like to have sex with you
>
> 11. Can I take you out to dinner? =3D I'd like to have sex with you
>
> 12. Will you marry me? =3D I want to make it illegal for other men to=20
> have
> sex with you
>
> 13. You look tense, let me give you a massage =3D I want to have sex=20
> with you
> within the next 3 minutes
>
> 14. Let's talk =3D I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a
deep
> person and then I'd like to have sex with you
>
> 15. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit =3D I'm gay
>
>
>
> NAMES
>
> If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will=20
> call
> each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
>
> If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to

> each
> other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
>
>
>
> EATING OUT
>
> When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in=20
> =A320,
> even though it's only for =A332.50. None of them will have anything=20
> smaller
> and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get
> their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
>
>
>
> MONEY
>
> A man will pay =A32 for a =A31 item he needs. A woman will pay =A31 =
for a =A32

> item
> that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
>
>
>
> BATHROOMS
>
> A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,=20
> razor, a
> bar of soap, and a towel from the Travelodge.
>
> The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A=20
> man
> would not be able to identify most of these items.
>
>
>
> ARGUMENTS
>
> A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after=20
> that
> is the beginning of a new argument.
>
>
>
> FUTURE
>
> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
> worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>
>
>
> SUCCESS
>
> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A
> successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
>
>
> MARRIAGE
>
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
> marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
>
>
>
> DRESSING UP
>
> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the=20
> dustbin,
> answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up=20
> for
> weddings and funerals.
>
>
>
> OFFSPRING
>
> Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about=20
> dentist
> appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears

> and
> hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living=20
> in the
> house.
>
>
>
> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
>
> Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two=20
> people
> remembering the same thing.
>
> --
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>


--=20
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